Alert: the hospital isn't allowing it's healthcare professionals to use the internets!

BC fruit haul/Veggie juice haul.

Today during treatment one of my most amusing fellow chemo soldiers strolled in. I don't know his name yet, I always miss it when they ask him to confirm his drugs. Name, no name, this man is a hoot. I first meet him during my first treatment run. He looks to be in his early sixties, medium height, slim build, looks like a pleasant old man but you know the saying, looks could be so fucking wrong and with this illness, looks are flat out fucking with you!

As I chatted with my treatment date I couldn't help but ease drop on this mans conversation. This is all happening through a curtain, they section us off for privacy or they don't want us to be friendly, so we won't see what happens with the drugs over time, there goes my paranoia again.

 Hello! What brings you here?  The nurse is obviously being hilariously glib (ugh)

What brings me here?! I was perfectly fucking healthy my whole life, go to a fucking doctors visit and boom, I have cancer, this is bullshit!

Wait, what?! That's exactly what happened to me, give or take a few doctors visits. I immediately wanted to hear everything this man had to say and that day, he said much. He complained about the treatment stinging -shit happens- when the doc offered Oxycontin (medical crack) as a peace offering he accepted but was pissed, when told he'd have to get the medication in the pharmacy himself: are you serious?! I got cancer and now I gotta get this pill myself?! 

When he strolled in today, I thought, here we go but today's ride was less about him and more about what his actions made me uncover. Through the curtain I could hear captain cool pants making fun of the nurses.

They act nice but they don't know who I am, they're fake. Can someone get me something to eat?! I can't eat. 

When you're in treatment you just have to utter the words can't and they've got a specialist coming. You can't gain weight, "specialist". You're not sure you want to continue down this path "specialist", can't shit, shit too much, some "specialist" will come over. BC, I thought doctors were specialist. I assumed doctors had a wealth of knowledge that the rest of us couldn't accumulate unless we went through extensive training. Surely, when a doctor, nutritionist, social worker, nurse and all other specialist opt for a field they should know the things I can google, find on webMD and some, right?

I'm hearing you're having difficulty eating.

Yeah! this shit is horrible! I can't eat anything! I don't have a woman to come over to cook for me (he's old sexism is part of old right?) I try my best but I'm hungry.

What does your diet consists of?

I drink ensure when I can. I'm living on ensure. 

Where's the protein?

Women! I can't cook do you people listen?!

I'm trying to get an idea of your daily intake. Have you tried ice cream with some milk? Eggs in the morning? You need protein, some kind of meat.

I had a steak and potato out the microwave the other day. 

Well that's not necessarily what I mean. You need things that are going to put what you're losing back, in.

Back on my side of the curtain, I'm having a conniption. Ice Cream? Cows Milk? Ensure? Her list got longer and wronger and all I could do was listen.  I remember my conversion with the nutritionist when I was losing weight. Ice cream, proteins (meat mainly), eggs, her recommendation was straight WWII food chart, surprised she didn't mention rations. When  I proceeded to tell her I have changed my diet, I'm no longer taking in any animal protein at the moment she looked at me like something from the fraggle rock-freaky looking shits-. Then, she proceeded or try, to tell me, to ease up. I needed meat protein where else would I find protein? I needed milk and butter! I'm trying and succeeding on gaining the weight my way while sticking to things that benefit me, putting back in all the shit "treatment" is taking out. My doctors take on my weight lost; wouldn't hurt you to have a cheeseburger every now and then. 

This is what I'm getting from specialist? Google search the c word, any major "association" or dietary page, will tell you to ease up on all things white (for once right) why? highly processed, no nutritional value. It's advised you bulk up on the greens, natural juices, these things have shown to help people fight this better whilst repairing their bodies. Why doesn't my nutritionist know this?! Why doesn't my doctor know this? I asked my doctor about diet twice; the first time, I really wanted to hear his advice; I'd tell you what I'd tell anyone in my family, don't eat junk, exercise and you're all good. Really? fucking really? The second time; I asked the question again, after doing my own research and he gave me the same response.

I'm not saying I know the answers or can even tell you what I'm doing is doing much for me (it's doing everything) but common sense would dictate; if what I was doing before resulted in treatments, maybe I need to change somethings and not do what everyone else is doing, no? I mean I've been chosen, I would have to work harder, do more, no? If I claim to be a specialist, shouldn't I know some basic shit about my specialty? Not a cure (where's the profit in that?) but shit, a specialist should at least be able to tell me what's toxic for my body in it's current state.

Not if your employers (sponsors) banned you from the internet in the hopes that you wouldn't dig any deeper during work hours to learn of the knowledge that's been amassed overtime in your specialty. Then you'd have to spend your days and nights in the old hospital library, that can't afford new books. With your shift being so long, you probably had no time to study and too tired after those shifts to study in your, home study or access the internet, fucking wifi! This is what it is! It has to be because the other option is just too sad...