retrospect...

I read my last blog and hot damn it's depressing. that's where I was in September, the same month that I learned things were looking good and I got a break from "treatment". so much has changed since then. I'm doing the yoga, I'm going to classes, I'm actually going to a yoga class later today. The meditating has become habitual and the insane thoughts, I can control for the most part. After my break from "treatment" I was hit with some not so good news, I'm back in treatment again. And as I type this, iTunes radio is playing a song called "you gotta get back to life." The universe is talking, screaming and has been for sometime, I was just so stuck in my own thoughts that I stopped listening.

I'm waiting for the little bit of hair that grew out during my break from "treatment" to start falling out again. But in the meantime I got an ill fade and am enjoying the follicles as they last. I welcome all the other follicles falling out, no waxing or shaving for me.

At some point and I can't tell you when exactly, more than likely during my little vacation in Haiti (that's a whole other blog) I realized I can harp on and on about what I've lost, I can smile my way through life on some ethereal shit or I can keep on living, day to day and taking it all as I would without this disease, its life.

Life goes on; your ex forgets you, friends fall to the wayside, it gets harder to find work but my rock star friends I've risen to the occasion, I'm truly over my ex and I'm meditating on getting work. I love the woman that I am, no really, I'm working on loving me more because that love gives me the strength to deal with moments of doubts, weakness and most of all fear. That love reminds me that I've been through a lot, before cancer galloped into my life, life wasn't OK or I wasn't OK with it. I'm good with it, it can be better, I'm focusing on doing better and hopefully that will help it to get better. Keep your head up not because I say so but because looking down makes you dizzy and the sky, with it's endless possibilities is so much prettier to look at.